-- written February
28, 2012
This
date is absolutely crazy to me. Time has gone so fast being here. Fact is the
past years have gone crazy fast. Let me be honest with you.
Life goes fast
and it is hard.
Shocker
eh? : ) I know.
Even
with being in Africa, making a deliberate choice to spend time with my creator
does not happen always. As previously mentioned, I often fail. Fail to learn. Good
thing our God is a forgiving God. Seriously.
But, when you pour out your heart, when you cry, literally, out to God
he moves
He
always works but when you are vulnerable you are more likely to notice the
little things and be grateful. The blinders come off your eyes and your heart is
instilled with new hope and courage.
The
other night my body felt 80 years old; fragile, aching and not functioning
properly. I was overtired, hadn’t had quality God-time in days if not more, and
I was homesick. All combined, this is not good. It was hard. I felt finished. Finished like I hadn't in a long time. Crying in my achiness and out
to God, I was reminded of this verse:
‘Those who sow in tears will reap with songs
of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs
of joy, carrying sheaves with him.’ Psalm 126:5-6
God
doesn’t miss one of my tears, whether it comes from overwhelming compassion for
the babies here or the most terrible injection I’ve ever done. He catches every
single hot tear that runs down my cheek. And with faith I may never understand why
I shed so many but with faith I realize God knows. He always knows. And when in
desperation I cry out to him he answers.
I see his faithfulness and grace when
·
when I go a whole day with patience that only comes from him
·
when my hope is renewed
·
I have the three year anniversary of having my first attack
·
when I take a jump and apply to university for the fall
·
my heart is troubled and distressed and God calms it with new
revelation
·
a light-bulb comes on for a frustrating concept in my brain
My
latest ephinany is that I must not be search for my purpose. I’ve been searching
for my purpose here. With my expectations, the more I search for ‘my purpose’
the more I seem to not find it at all. So I MUST remember that my purpose is to
simply love to glorify God. I
do this and trust everything else falls into place. What happens after I leave
a place, whether my ideas and plans are implemented, well that is up to God. My
job is to love and be Jesus.
My
inspiration for this revelation comes from this paragraph which has and is changing
my outlook on purpose.
Without purpose, a person
begins to die a slow death. Our confusion about
finding purpose in life comes when we perceive that meaning is only experienced
when we reach a predetermined goal or a sought-after resolution to a challenging
problem.But Oswald Chambers reframes the concept of purpose
this way:
What is my vision of God’s
purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and
on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of
life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not
working toward a particular finish – His purpose is the process itself….It is
the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.
-When I lay my Isaac down, Carol Kent
By losing the focus of searching
for purpose I actually find the purpose of it all. Love.
The purpose of the purpose
isn’t to be continually searching for a purpose but to live with a heart full
of desire to serve God more. A desire. A desire for Him to fill us fuller
then we ever imagined.
---hope which was lost now
stands renewed.
I give my life, to honor
this.
The love of Christ, the savior
king.
-hillsong
