the journey continues....in a.l.b.e.r.t.a

I've discovered that people do read this blog, and I have not posted for almost two months.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to make an effort to start writing here again. I believe writing is healthy for processing life and for the soul. My journey has not stopped just because I’m living in Alberta again. So continue to check back here for stories from my time in Uganda, for thoughts and opinions and my journey back into life in Canada.

much love, Tasha

hommmmee

Home : (noun) a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household. :www.dictionary.com

Home : (noun) Canada, homes filled with love that contain my family, Christ and grandma’s supper with real butter and borscht. A place where I live that I return to often and am blessed to be able to live with my family and friends. :tasha

Praise Jesus.

I am home safe, and just settling into life back in Canada.

Hope to share my experiences and stories with y'all soon.

white flags

Since being in Africa we have buried 6 babies, 6 precious creations of God. Painstakingly we cover and wrap the baby with a white sheet.  We sing it is well with our soul and in a wooden coffin no longer than two feet; people of different cultures pay their respect.
Recently Baby Raymond breathed his last and with it completely surrendered to God’s plan.
And then angels welcomed him into heaven.

White is a common color in the book of Revelation. It’s a symbol of blessedness and purity and a description of the redeemed. Heaven is not just filled with white but marvelous color.

A wise woman once told me, ‘There is a rainbow of opportunity open to me. I just need to go past the black and pick a color.’  Burdens, fear and pain all stop us from fully living. What is fascinating is that even though the black can come and go the rainbow never fades. It is always there.

Often the black in our lives blurs the rainbow.

Sometimes we are given the gift of seeing the rainbow more clearly but we just can’t seem to step past the crippling black.

 We need to continually raise our white flags, immerse ourselves in them as an act of surrendering. As individuals, as communities, as generations, as families of believers together RAISE our white flags as we RISE UP.

White Flag (noun/verb) : an all-white banner or piece of cloth, used as a symbol of surrender or truce. To give up; weaken; yield.

Surrender (verb) : to yield, to give oneself up, abandon or relinquish power and to submit.

We do have moments where we are inspired, moved, and changed.

These are gifts from God.

In that moment when the rainbow is clear, when we raise our white flags are the moments where God is tangible and when you can take a breath and the Holy Spirit fills you. Those moments where you decide to run to his arms and let him walk. The beautiful moment where the rainbow has never been clearer and you can taste the hope.  These are the moments that make us excited and ready for the days where we will be able to feel the rainbows. Be immersed in the rainbows; to be surrounded by the Glory of God and the majestic colors of Heaven.

When we raise our white flag with finality and realize we are finished is a moment we may fear but death is the ultimate fulfillment and the ultimate act of surrender.  Heaven. Nothing is greater. And I praise Jesus His kingdom has gained 6 smart looking black babies who have restored and complete strength, whose bodies have been perfected, whose tubes have been removed, whose lives have been transformed and perfected more than human hands could ever perform.

My limited understanding leads me into fear. If there is one thing I have learnt it’s that

Your fear MUST NOT be bigger than your faith.  

When this happen the rainbow blurs.

RISE UP.  Fear has no power in your life and death has no sting; if you choose to believe. The black in your life, it’s just one step away from the rainbow. There is always hope. Come awake! He has overcome the world, the war is won but a battle is at hand.

Will we choose victory??

He will fight for us, he will defend us:  we can overcome because he overcame the grave. Through Jesus HE has given us the victory.

Let us raise our white flags.

safari.

Despite African seeming to run on a slower time and pace of life, I know that isn't an excuse for keeping the world updated on my life : )

We returned from safari quite satisfied. Our accommodations were beyond beautiful and the food was a nice break from what we have been eating. The hotel also had a pool which was refreshing in itself. oh yeah, and we went on safari : )

I shall post pictures soon when I have better internet, but we saw lions, elephants, warthogs, hippos (too many !), crocodiles, baboons and water buffalos! The scenery and sunsets in their vastness were almost just as amazing as the beautiful creatures.

Returning home in three weeks, I'm having many mixed emotions. Excited to see my family and the comforts of home, but at the same time looking back on my time here with extreme fondness.

Sometimes when we only have a narrow 'earthly perspective' we can underestimate God's plan for our lives and I believe have the potential to miss out. But when we look with an 'eternal perspective' and respect God's sovereignty in our lives for whatever happens, well I think we live differently. It's hard and it goes against human nature to look at life through with a different lenses, but it's through different lenses that God helps us see the world more clearly. And by praying and reading his word is how I think we see the world how he sees it, not only presently but how he longs to see it change!

passion week

Last week was Passion Week; therefore the church we attend here in Kampala, WatotoChurch Central, had many activities going on. One we attended was the Praise Rally on Thursday night. Once again, hard to convey in words; often it seems you just really had to be there.

Here is my best description:

I’m talking a community of believers, mostly young people, gathering in love and gratitude all coming together for hours to worship their God.  To sing, to dance, and to pray with ridiculous excitement. 2000+ people all together in the church building, the stairwells, and the parking lot which was packed with overflow. The speakers are pumping and the big screen is screaming the passion that’s happening inside.

I didn’t have my ipod or camera to video this amazing moment that formed this beautiful memory. However, you know those moments where it actually may be ok that it wasn’t captured to be played over…for fear of the joy of the memory may be lost? It was a moment like that because the place it has been captured is a place it will never be tarnished but remembered with ecstasy at being surrounded by the presence of God.

 
So we sing, clap, yell, and attempt to dance. If you aren’t aware; this culture can dance. We get down. The men, the women, the children. Everybody gets down. Except the white people, where the dancing is more an attempt. We get down all the way to the floor. Yes we dance in church. All the time. :)

Let them praise his name with dancing…. Psalm 149:3

This is a video I got from a friend, I hope it conveys the energy and excitement that was at the praise rally. Enjoy !

new

So doing things by African time, we only moved to Kampala on Friday. Since then I have had quite the experience of a lifetime : the extreme sport of white-water-rafting, on the Nile! Grade 5 rapids (the more dangerous end of the spectrum) I can say I’ll never do it again, but it was worth the experience I guess. I thank God that my two friends and I stayed safe throughout the entire day. Only a little sore with muscles we never knew we had the days after. Praise Jesus. The adrenaline of those rapids is something I’ll never forget. pictures aren't in yet, but this is a sample of what we did.
yep. on the border of insanity.

Before we left Suubi I got my hair done by some of the vocational students. Even though it is mighty uncomfortable to sleep on it, I won’t lie, I quite enjoy this different hairstyle. I wasn’t aware I was getting black extensions and with 6 people working on my long unfamiliar blonde locks, well I didn’t really have a moment to protest. In a short 4 ¾ hours it was finished! And ta-dah!! This is the outcome !

For now we are back to work at the babies home here in Kampala, called The Bulrushes. I’m not particularly at peace with being here, which is resulting in not a willing or positive attitude. I am attempting to try and hold out hope that God has a plan and even though change is hard, it is good. There are very few toddlers here (small toddlers is what I usually worked with in Suubi) so mostly small, new, and sick babies are here. It’s significantly different in regards to personality, smiles, hugs and feeding. It’s different and new. Never mind oodles of new babies to learn, but a whole new staff team as well. As well as a new apartment, which comes with new problems (relevant to Africa:) and just a whole new load of new challenges.

It’s unfamiliar. 

I won’t lie to you. Life is hard. And sometimes I can’t even write hopeful or encouraging words, cause I feel like I barely believe them. Sometimes, well I’m just miserable. So there is the real truth. Sometimes I just wanna mope. Eat oreo’s and listen to harsh rock music.

 So I do.

Teeth update : the dentist told me he suspected I was grinding my teeth, so with that being said I’m persevering here until May!

I promise to write soon on my experiences in Suubi! :)

moving !

I’m moving  ;)

Back to Kampala!

Pray for a smooth transition for the 2 other girls and me!

My heart originally wasn’t too accepting of this, it seems to be in my character not to be willing to move, however I’ve become slightly more willing. Kampala doesn’t have many small toddlers which is the age I’ve fallen in love with here. However, remembering back to Kampala when I first arrived, the newborn dependency, the cuddling, the feeding bottles and not having food generally all over me when I left a shift perhaps has its beauty as well.

I will write soon about my experience(s) in Suubi.

purpose

-- written February 28, 2012

This date is absolutely crazy to me. Time has gone so fast being here. Fact is the past years have gone crazy fast. Let me be honest with you.

Life goes fast and it is hard.

Shocker eh? : ) I know.  

Even with being in Africa, making a deliberate choice to spend time with my creator does not happen always. As previously mentioned, I often fail. Fail to learn. Good thing our God is a forgiving God. Seriously. But, when you pour out your heart, when you cry, literally, out to God

he moves

He always works but when you are vulnerable you are more likely to notice the little things and be grateful. The blinders come off your eyes and your heart is instilled with new hope and courage.

The other night my body felt 80 years old; fragile, aching and not functioning properly. I was overtired, hadn’t had quality God-time in days if not more, and I was homesick. All combined, this is not good. It was hard. I felt finished. Finished like I hadn't in a long time. Crying in my achiness and out to God, I was reminded of this verse:

 ‘Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.’ Psalm 126:5-6 

God doesn’t miss one of my tears, whether it comes from overwhelming compassion for the babies here or the most terrible injection I’ve ever done. He catches every single hot tear that runs down my cheek. And with faith I may never understand why I shed so many but with faith I realize God knows. He always knows. And when in desperation I cry out to him he answers. I see his faithfulness and grace when

·         when I go a whole day with patience that only comes from him
·         when my hope is renewed
·         I have the three year anniversary of having my first attack
·         when I take a jump and apply to university for the fall
·         my heart is troubled and distressed and God calms it with new revelation
·         a light-bulb comes on for a frustrating concept in my brain

My latest ephinany is that I must not be search for my purpose. I’ve been searching for my purpose here. With my expectations, the more I search for ‘my purpose’ the more I seem to not find it at all. So I MUST remember that my purpose is to simply love to glorify God. I do this and trust everything else falls into place. What happens after I leave a place, whether my ideas and plans are implemented, well that is up to God. My job is to love and be Jesus.

My inspiration for this revelation comes from this paragraph which has and is changing my outlook on purpose.

Without purpose, a person begins to die a slow death. Our confusion about finding purpose in life comes when we perceive that meaning is only experienced when we reach a predetermined goal or a sought-after resolution to a challenging problem.But Oswald Chambers reframes the concept of purpose this way:

What is my vision of God’s purpose for me? Whatever it may be, His purpose is for me to depend on Him and on His power now. If I can stay calm, faithful, and unconfused while in the middle of the turmoil of life, the goal of the purpose of God is being accomplished in me. God is not working toward a particular finish – His purpose is the process itself….It is the process, not the outcome, that is glorifying to God.

-When I lay my Isaac down, Carol Kent

By losing the focus of searching for purpose I actually find the purpose of it all.  Love.

The purpose of the purpose isn’t to be continually searching for a purpose but to live with a heart full of desire to serve God more.  A desire. A desire for Him to fill us fuller then we ever imagined.

---hope which was lost now stands renewed.

I give my life, to honor this.

The love of Christ, the savior king.

          -hillsong

one month yesterday

**this is a slightly intense post or rather it comes from intense emotions that I’m working through. It’s also very long. So don’t say I didn’t warn you :)

Yesterday was the one month mark. I have been out of Canada and here in Uganda for a whole month. Africa. Uganda. Kampala. Suubi. Africa. It is absolutely crazy to think that I have been here for 30 days. God has brought me through some really crazy days and overall I know the next three months are going to fly by! We are starting to move toward the wet season, out of the hot season, which is quite the relief. Today is very overcast and a nice change from the intense heat we have been feeling. When it rains it rains buckets, and buckets, and buckets. It comes quick and hard. The smell that comes afterward is a very amazing one. Like many things that go on here, I struggle to put it into words for you. When words and pictures don’t do justice to the magnificence or emotions I see and feel I find it very hard to convey to you my experience. I hope you all understand that.

What I can say though is God is moving. God is teaching. God is being God.

In a matter of 72 hours, God challenged me. He showed me His power and His grace. He once again led me through death, LIFE, and birth. In harsh realities I was reminded that I have limited control.  He is good. All the time. And I feel as though he was testing me to see if I would continue to praise him despite circumstances.

Will I let my environment and my circumstances dictate my worship?

Below my apartment I hear ladies screaming. I listen and recognized it as happy joyous screams. Slightly concerned though, I investigate to find nannies – running, jumping, hugging cheering through shrieks of joy – a fellow nanny has given BIRTH. A baby has been born! Will I choose to continue to follow God?

BIRTH.

I’m sitting in my rocking chair and I’ll never forget the moment I realized that I knew Baby I. I didn’t think I did with 27 babies in the babies’ room. God says, ‘Tasha, will you stick with me?’ I know what I’m doing. The same day hope, promise and joy abounded in the news of a birth is the same day one of the many abandoned babies here PASSES AWAY. When he falls sick gets frail all in a matter of days to then be taken from this earth what will my response be?

DEATH.

I meet a small old man, estimated to be 102 years, his legs failing him he sits in the grass bent over. His friend offers us typical Africa seating, old sacks and some of us are privileged to have a bag over a crate or bench. He lives down a narrow red dirt path, in a small brick house, surrounded by Uganda’s lush vegetation. At his old age he speaks jumbled Lugandan but clearly radiates joy. He speaks of God - his love and faithfulness. After a long life he lives with gratitude of his friend who helps him daily and the fact that us white people have chosen to come down the path to his home to worship and study with him. He chooses to survive on God’s provision. Will I choose to trust and learn from him?

LIFE.

Our God is a God who gives and takes away. Despite our limited human understanding or perception, life continues to happen. I think this is the way life is supposed to happen. We are not meant to comprehend each and every little moment because if we did honestly where is the adventure or how could we ultimately trust God in that?

My journal verse yesterday was,

Shout for joy to the Lord, burst into jubilant song with music. –Psalm 98:4

I wrote on top of it in harsh scribbles, ‘Are you kidding me?’

I was angry. I wasn’t angry at God and I wasn’t about to peace out on this journey he has me on. The sharp contrast between birth, life and death in such a short time equaled a conglomeration of emotions and questions. How is someone supposed to shout for joy when death seems so harsh? Although joyous from a birth, thankful for a long-life but overall just down and upset from a life that seemed taken too soon.

I was angry and frustrated at my limited understanding.

Why are some blessed with thousands of days and some only a short few days? I have learnt that when I struggle within my heart and questions threaten to overtake me God is always in control. I’m not designed to understand every life, every death. I’m not the one who calls the shot on when a breath is taken from someone.

My point is God is leading me to live every moment to the fullest and realize my dependence on Him. Living my moments with joy and thankfulness is much easier said than done. Living the moments God chooses to fill my lungs with air and body with energy and flow out with the love He has filled me with is hard.

It’s all about the choice and it is a very hard deliberate choice.

Today will you choose to live fuller?

Realize that you are not guaranteed thousands of days?

You are technically equal to the young sick baby –

just as vulnerable to have your breath taken from you at any moment?

Recognize your lack of control, lack of power and know the GRACE that overrides it all.

Please, choose to LIVE every moment FULLY.

Suubi Church

Just a few of my thoughts, all put together in a statement sort of way from church on Sunday ::

God is more concerned with our faith then with all the good and blessing he gives us.

Hence why God tests us-

to mature, produce character and maturity,

sometimes with the blessings

which can produce our circumstances

which initiates our response

which really should not be dictated by our environment.

All if we believe that we have nothing to fear

for the God of the universe created each one of us with a purpose

- for every single season of our lives

then the power of the Holy Spirit can indwell in us.

The ultimate Giver has given us the greatest gift of all

therefore enabling us to trust an boldly step forward with

courage and confidence

into the grace that is sufficient for every moment.

God enables the called but doesn’t call the enabled.

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what. a. week.

Well I have completed one full week at Suubi in the process being able to work at each of the different areas in the home; babies, special needs, small toddlers and big toddlers. Quite the experience in each one of them to say the least. I’m positive every single day I write in my journal that, ‘this has been the most exhausting day yet.’ My least favorite would be the big toddlers, not just for their persistent energy but just that age in general. Some people are gifted and have the ability in them to serve these kids amazingly. I do not. Simply put. : )

I would rather spend my hours in the baby or small toddler room. For each section in the home comes the specific nannies that are skilled to work with the specific age group they are with. Special needs, like the other areas, require a whole lot of patience and a huge/tough heart. The stories are hard and can touch your heart in a deep place you maybe didn’t even know existed. You must be willing and ready to accept that progress may not be seen for a long time. Growth is gradual.

This is funny how these words come about ‘growth is gradual’. The last of my few devotions in January were all about how growth is gradual, guaranteed and gracious. I see this in my own life as well. Babies and kids take a long time to grow and develop. They make a lot of mistakes before they finally mature in an area. Being here with toddlers, I’ve noticed kids fall. And when they fall, they fall hard. Usually right onto their butts, a few tears and then they get up and a few seconds later, they generally fall again. But eventually, despite all the falling, the tears and the oh-so-hard work - soon they are walking. Unsteady at first but then gradually stronger.

It’s a process.

I see this oddly similar to my spiritual life. Which technically shouldn’t just be a life category, (social life, spiritual life, emotional life) but our whole lives. But that’s another post :) A person is never quite done growing all the days of this earthly life. It’s a growth where God continues to daily, hourly give you the grace to keep on the race he has created just for you. Your growth never stops. You may be unsteady at times and fall right on your butt but the key is to keep getting back up, persevere and learn from why you fell. You’ll never get anywhere if you sit on your butt.

We must never lose the willing spirit to learn.

When you’re willing to trust, growth is gradual, guaranteed and gracious. He will ALWAYS meet you where you are at; whether that is on the floor or running like the wind.

refreshed.

We have moved to Suubi and I absolutely love it! God definitely helped changed my heart from not wanting come to Suubi at all to being eager to move! And would you look at that. In God’s perfect timing I already LOVE it here and cannot wait to spend a few more weeks here. It feels good to settle in and unpack the suitcase!

We start work Monday morning again, I’m excited to get back to it after hearing the kids screams and giggles underneath us for a day or two now. Our apartment is right above the babies home.

Suubi is a children’s village under Watoto and also has a babies home. It is almost in the middle of nowhere, but that is okay. It is tranquil, serene and calm, especially in the morning and evenings. The view is spectacular. Absolutely stunning. This is from my porch.

Since the power has a tendency to go out often and Internet is costly, I find myself spending much time reading books or my Bible. Yesterday I read so much I felt like my eyes were going to pop out. But what an encouragement it is to spend lots of time in God’s word.

 The good thing is that it gets dark early and we are usually tired from watching our beautiful children all day, so we go to bed uber early. It’s great to feel rested when you wake up in the morning! Praise Jesus for new days!

my thoughts.

I have no words that are adequate to properly explain to the world what this country is like. Only pictures in my mind that are too real. All too real. Pictures that form a memory that create the events that shape a time in my life when I once was living in Africa. To pick an event or story to share with you from less than two weeks of being here is hard. I feel as though I have gone through many emotions and many happenings already!

 Basically it all comes down to…

LOVE

LOVE is…
the reason we live. (called)
the reason we hope. (Jesus)
the reason we believe. (faith)
the reason we breathe. (grace)
the reason we persevere. (trust)
God.

When you are put into a situation where all you have to depend on is God, you cling. You cling to the hope you have and that is what is different between countries. There are countries that realize their dependence on the Holy Spirit for life and then there are countries that miss the Holy Spirit. Quite frankly the majority of North Americans are so incredibly blessed that often we miss what is right before us.  We miss the Holy Spirit. Our God who desires to move, to bless, to transform lives is aching for us to trust Him.

Culture can successfully deceive us that we have any actual need.

But only if we choose to let it.

It says, ‘You are self-sufficient’ ‘You are adequate on your own strength.’  We miss that we have a desperate need of reliance and we are in need of strength from God. Why are we content with attempting to be adequate in the eyes of others, but the God of universe we so often forget to be concerned with? His opinion, His plan is the only one that matters. We serve a big God who is ready and willing to carry out an extraordinary plan, through us ordinary sinful creatures if we love and trust Him.

His ways are above my ways and the extraordinary plan isn’t promised to be easy, but to receive eternal life and a relentlessly forgiving love? Sounds worth trusting to me.

When all you have is God, when you realize all you need is Jesus, then He becomes center and Lord over all. And that is the difference between countries. 

Countries that have become blinded by the blessings and countries that have learned to receive the blessings with gratitude.

Let us not become blind with privilege.

hello world!

HELLLLLO! This is my first time getting internet in over a week!! I have made it safely to Uganda!! In the past week I’ve rested and then jumped right into working and into Kampala where I am currently living. I will possibly be relocated to another babies home (either Gulu or Subi), depending on the needs of Watoto. God has been doing some crazy stuff that I cannot wait to share soon!! Stay tuned for updates coming soon : )

Wow!

Soooooo here is the deal. My counter says I'm leaving in one hour:) but I'm actually leaving at 3:30 tomorrow!! Either way I just finished packing and now just like before my emotions are in high gear and I have no idea what I am feeling. I'm leaving this continent tomorrow to live my dream. What better blessing could you ask for?? God is so amazing, now if only I could find my passport pictures for my visa! I am trusting superstore will not be busy on a Sunday morning !!! Sleep well world! TOmorrow is a new day;)

yep. it's happening.

Yep. It's true. I leave for Uganda on Sunday. Sunday, this Sunday the 15th of January. Who knew (God did) that less than a year after leaving for Guatemala, I would be leaving to finish, or potentially start
the dream that God planted in my heart in high school.
This is crazy business.
Oh Africa, you and God consume my thoughts. And although I am super stoked to leave North America, I have to admit to being slightly freaked out. I feel nervous, inadequate and unprepared.
However,
these are just lies that I refuse to believe because
God is good.
God has a plan.
He is faithful.
Considering He has called me here at this time in my life I'm going to accept the fact that despite I am unskilled in the baby area, nineteen years old, just a smidgen passionate and completely inadequate...
I serve an uber big God. Who obviously is a magnificent orchestrator and has me in a position where I have no choice but to depend on Him. He has brought this journey this far and I can't wait to depend on Him fully for my daily bread with a heart full of thanks.

with that said, I mustn't waste anymore time fooling around. must. continue. packing. :)